part of the bigger picture

I like this photo. I like the contrast of the old wall against the twinkling lights in the distance. They give me hope.

I’ve been feeling lately like I’ve hit a brick wall. I am so unmotivated. I don’t want to plan meals, I don’t want to cook, I don’t want to do laundry, or clean up, or keep the budget on track, because I’m tired and it’s all so messy, and it’s going to just get messy again. Messy. That’s life I guess.

What do you do though, when you hit a brick wall? What do you do when motivation just can’t be found? How do you just keep doing the stuff that needs doing, when you don’t want to do it?

This might be the last time I bore you with horror stories about my teeth….then again, it might not be.
So I think the gelfoam cloves thingy came out today when I was religiously doing my salt water rinsing. It had to have, because about an hour later I was getting more than uncomfortable. Then an hour after that I was seriously in pain again. So after taking the kids to the doctor (which is a whole other fiasco, and long story short – they have parvovirus, NOT three day measles/german measles/rubella like the doc diagnosed them yesterday), I called the dental office again. By now I know the drill:
“Hi, this is Kim Bitner calling. I was in on Friday to have my wisdom teeth removed, and was back in yesterday because of a dry socket. He put some gelfoam in but it came out, and I’m not sure if I should come in again or not…”
And she says something like, “Well what did you hope was going to happen by calling?”
Uhhhhh…..I hoped I could come get another one put in, that’s what.
She proceeds to tell me that basically I’ll have to just suffer through it, it should run its course in 7-10 days, that the gelfoam doesn’t help with the healing so there’s no point in me coming back in. No point? I wanted to scream. The point would be to relieve some of the pain! I know you can’t believe everything you read online, but everything I’ve read online about dry socket says dentists will usually get you back in every 1 or 2 days to redo it until it’s healed. So what I said a few posts back about the nicest staff in my dentist’s office? I partially take it back. They’re all nice, except for this lady. (Lord, please give me grace to love my enemies.)
So I had a meltdown on the phone with Clay, and by the time he got home from work it was starting to feel a little better. He thought maybe we should call Dr. N directly since he gave us his number, but I didn’t want to be a pain…so I figured if it doesn’t get better by tomorrow, I’d call the office again. Clay said he’d been praying for me since we talked on the phone, and had asked our pastor to pray for me as well.
You know….I’m really not one to jump around and yell, “I’ve been healed!” when I start to show improvement. I’ve seen too many not believable ‘healings’ to jump to quick conclusions. But…I’m starting to think I’ve been healed. Whether it is temporary or permanent, thank you Jesus for the past few hours I’ve had without pain.

I was back to see Dr. N today, thanks to the crazy pain on the left side of my mouth, and was told I had a dry socket. He put some gelfoam thing in that has oil of cloves in it, so I’m constantly tasting cloves but who the heck cares – it feels SO much better! He was also laughing about how funny I was with the nitrous oxide…I totally forgot this until today, but when I woke up at one point I pulled the gas thing off my nose and exclaimed, “What’s going on here?!” I think that’s when I went on about the good long dream.
Makes me glad I don’t do drugs regularly… I’d hate to think there were a bunch of people out there laughing at my (unknown to me) stupidity.

I’m sitting here with my feet up (literally), and figured now’s a good time to update the ole blog. Most days, if I’m sitting down with my computer I feel like I should be doing something else. Today though, I know I should just be taking things easy. Why?

On Friday I did something I thought I’d never have to endure…I had my wisdom teeth removed. I’m sure we’ve all heard our share of horror stories about how awful an experience it is, not only in the dentist’s chair, but in the healing as well. Obviously it’s something I never hoped I’d have to do, and really never thought I’d need to do. My wisdom teeth never really bothered me, save for the few days a year when they’d move a little and I’d be a little uncomfortable. But nothing major. I used to have a great dentist, but he retired about 2 years ago, and the people who took over his office seemed less than trustworthy. I felt like they were just going to try to make me get unnecessary procedures done, so I stopped going. I was passively looking for a new dentist, but nothing urgent. Earlier this year though, I knew I needed to get Markus to see a dentist for the first time, so the search was on again. A friend of mine recommended her dentist, who is a friend of theirs. So off Markus, Clay, and I went. People, you could not find a nicer dentist, nicer staff, or nicer dental office. I know I know, everyone thinks their dentist is great, but come on. Really. You’ve got nothing on me.

Anyway, about the teeth. I only had 3 wisdom teeth, and none of them had actually come all the way through. I was told they never would, and as time went on they’d get more difficult to keep clean. He could almost guarantee that at some point they’d give me trouble, and it would be better to get them out now than later. The younger you are, they easier you heal. On top of that, the sedation they use cannot be given to someone who’s pregnant, so chalk up another reason to get it over and done with now. (Okay, I’m not going to get into that right now, except to say that we’re probably not done having kids.)

So Friday was the day. I had to take a drug the night before, some kind of anti-anxiety thing, and then they gave me something else when I got there to make me more relaxed and tired, and once that started kicking in, they got me in the chair with some nitrous oxide. I wasn’t sure about the whole idea of it, but I am so thankful for it now. As it started working, I remember laying there and I just started giggling. I wondered if the dental hygienist would notice (her back was turned to me) so I tried to stop, and I just giggled more…and then I must have fallen asleep. I woke up and Dr. N asked me how I was feeling. “I just had a big long dream!” He laughed, told me to try to have another one, and then I guess I fell asleep again. I woke up every now and then and would notice him working, sometimes he’d have to wake me to tell me to open wide, and I remember him pulling one tooth, and I remember seeing the needle and thread as he stitched me up… gross, right? But it didn’t seem gross, it was just like, “Oh, he’s stitching me. That’s nice.”

When everything was done, they took me down to my waiting chauffeur (Clay, of course), and home we went. It’s been a few days of very regular pain pill popping, ice packs, pureed soup, ice cream, yogurt, salt water rinsing, lots of rest, a few moments of tears when the pain was too intense, and a bit of a panic attack last night when I took my eyes off the one who holds me in his hands. I am so thankful for my husband, who reminded me that Jesus is in control and is worthy of my complete trust, and who took such good care of me and let me rest while he looked after the little ones.

So that’s my story for the last few days, not really in a nutshell. If anyone actually read all this, thanks. You’re sweet for humoring me :) And you know what? My wonderful children have been playing (nicely!) upstairs the entire time I’ve been writing this. Thanks, Jesus.

Clean kitchens. We see them on TV, we see them in magazines, we see them we see them online, and in home decor books. Perfect kitchens. Everything in its place. No clutter. Everyone must keep their home looking like this…after all, they wouldn’t lie to us, would they? And if you have a kitchen that looks nothing like the picture perfect ones you see, there must be something wrong with you, and why can’t you just keep tidy?! Well, I have a confession to make. It may come as a shock to you, but my kitchen doesn’t usually look like this. In fact, it rarely looks like this. I cleaned it for the express purpose of taking this photo. Most of the time my kitchen somewhere between the extreme of the photo above, and the photo below:
I’m convinced you can’t keep your kitchen immaculately clean and still cook in it. This Martha Stewart ideal that we have in our minds of being able to cook, garden, craft, and entertain in a spotless home is false. Martha Stewart is not only a woman, she is a corporation. She doesn’t do all that on her own. Or how about Real Simple magazine? Anytime I flip through it I want to throw out 3/4 of my stuff so I can have a home that looks like one in its pages. Every one of those photos is professionally staged – people don’t live like that. They just don’t.
It dawned on me a little while ago that every time I clean my kitchen, it’s so I have room to make a mess again. It never stays clean. And that’s fine. Really! Now that I finally understand that it’s not realistic to keep my kitchen spotless all the time, I don’t mind a little mess so much. A little mess shows that people live here. It shows that food is prepared here, and bodies are nourished here. I’ll take a messy kitchen and the smell of homemade lasagne baking in the oven, over a clean kitchen and the convenience of frozen food any day. I’m thankful for a God who provides, and a husband who works hard, so that I can be at home to make a mess with real food in my kitchen.

Apparently that series of posts on cloth diapering took a lot out of me! Sorry for not showing my face on this blog for a while. Life gets busy. So, until I am geared up with energy to tackle some more posts about how I’m different, I thought I would just share some photos from the last while that I like, but didn’t make it to my 365 project blog.
(Okay I just finished making this collage in Photoshop. I thought it would be a few quick clicks and then I’d be off to bed….and it took me about an hour and a half. I hope you enjoy all my hard work :) NOW I’m off to bed)

The posts below explain cloth diapering as it applies to my life, and in our household. My intent in writing these posts is simply to explain my thought process on how I got to where I am as a mommy when it comes to diapering my baby, and to shed a little light on a subject that doesn’t get talked about a whole lot. I wish I would have cloth diapered from the very beginning, and while I can’t go back and change it, I can tell you all about my experience and maybe inspire you to try it as well.

I’m not saying everyone should do cloth, and I’m not to say that it’s wrong to use disposables. I just want to help people who were like me -with misinformation or no information about cloth diapering- to gain a better understanding of it.

It’s really not old-fashioned, it’s really not inconvenient, and it’s really not that gross. it’s the poop that’s gross, not the diaper type.

Take yourself back with me about five years – 2005.
I’m pregnant with Markus. The thought of cloth diapers has never entered my mind. I don’t know anyone who uses them. I don’t know anyone who talks about them. I know babies need diapers, and that means hundreds and hundreds of Huggies that get tossed in the garbage. That’s what everyone does. Any parenting magazine I pick up is filled with ads for Huggies and Pampers.

Now take yourself with me to last spring – 2009.
I’m pregnant with Bailey. Here’s what I think about cloth diapers. They’re old fashioned, inconvenient, and honestly…gross. The very thought of them makes me wrinkle my nose in distaste. My opinion is largely shaped by misconceptions and lack of knowledge. I make assumptions about them, but don’t have any real information from real people. The few people I know who use them don’t really talk about them, and I honestly am not interested in asking. I think that if most people stopped using cloth when disposables came around, then sposies must be the better choice. Cloth was for our grandmas and moms, when they didn’t have any other option. Presented with the option of disposables, nearly everyone chooses them. Why wouldn’t I? With disposables you can just throw the mess away, no washing required. I figured cloth diapering mommies must spend a load of time on laundry. Gross laundry. And what in the world would you do with a dirty diaper when you’re out of the house, or even a wet one for that matter? I don’t want to know. I figure modern day cloth diapering is for the extremely eco-minded. We do a number of things to be more responsible with the earth, but diapers are where we draw the line. Switching to cloth is the absolute last thing we’ll do to become more environmentally friendly…we’ll do it after we get an electric car. Which isn’t going to happen anytime soon. Disposables are where it’s at for me – modern, convenient, and honestly…less gross. They have served me well for two babies already, and they will serve me well with this baby too.

Okay, we’re in the present now.
Cloth diapers….are awesome.

I don’t even know what initially got me thinking differently and reconsidering the whole idea. My sister Sherry uses cloth, as does my friend Angie, so I think I started re-examining my opinions when I took notice of their use of them. Then I started reading online about them. Simple Mom was an invaluable resource for me with her Cloth Diapering 101 series of posts. The amount of different kinds of diapers you can buy was incredibly overwhelming to me, and the initial start-up cost for cloth is daunting, so I was terrified I would choose the wrong kind and be stuck with a bunch of diapers I didn’t like. 4 Cloth Diapering Choices Defined demystified everything for me and helped me figure out what type of diapers I wanted to buy. I was becoming more educated but still wasn’t sure when or how to take the plunge and just do it. That is, until Bailey developed a diaper rash that I just could not get to go away. Finally, in desperation, I went to Cravings to buy a few to get me started. I still wasn’t sure exactly what kind I wanted, but I was determined to come home with something and just try. I bought 3, which was all we could afford at that moment. They were fabulous. And the rash went away a few days later. I talked it over with Clay and we decided to use some of our tax refund to buy more so we could make the switch to all cloth.

They are so easy to use, as quick to put on as a disposable – there are no pins like grandma had. They take only a few minutes out of my day to launder. My mom told me she always loved doing diaper laundry, and before using cloth I thought that was such an odd thing to say. Until now. I totally get it now, Mom. I don’t think I can explain it myself, but there is something so great about folding clean diapers. There is something about wrapping my girl up in a cloth diaper that just makes me feel like I am doing something good for her. I’m doing something good for our bank account too, and I’m doing something good for the environment. I used to think cloth diapering was gross, and now, honestly, I think disposable diapers are so gross.

Before, my kids were wrapped up in paper, wood pulp, and plastic. When they’d poop, we’d wipe it up, wrap it up, and throw it in the garbage. Think about that. Human feces….in the garbage. That is disgusting. Now, my girl is wrapped up in natural fibers, and when she poops, it gets flushed down the toilet – where poop is supposed to go. The diaper is washed and used again. I am blown away by the decrease in the amount of garbage that gets hauled out of our house now!

I wish I had educated myself about cloth diapers back in 2005, but I am thankful that it happened late rather than never.

Everyone does cloth diapering differently, and it takes a little while to figure out what works for you and what doesn’t, but it is awesome! I’m just going to tell you what I do so you can get an idea for how truly doable it is.

We have 12 diapers:
Six of the BumGenius One-Size Organic All-In-Ones (AIO).
One-size meaning they have snaps on the front to allow you to use them from newborn right up to 35lbs, and all-in-one meaning you don’t have a separate diaper and cover, or pocket and insert – it’s all-in-one. It’s nice that these don’t have inserts to stuff, so once they’re dry you’re done, but they do take a long time to dry. I turn them inside out, and in the dryer I throw a dry towel in with them to help them dry quicker, but if it’s a sunny day I just dry them outside. The sun’s supposed to help whiten them too, so that’s a bonus. To reduce the amount of cleaning required with a dirty diaper, I use flushable liners in these.

I also have six of the BumGenius One-Size 3.0 Pocket Diapers.
Pocket diaper meaning the absorbent part of the diaper is really an insert that is stuffed inside. I was hesitant to get these because I thought it would be a pain to stuff them, but it really isn’t. I actually like them better than the all-in-ones because they dry so much more quickly. The insert is microfibre, so it is incredibly absorbent. They come with newborn inserts for the smallest size, as well as larger inserts that adjust for the 2 larger sizes. These are the ones that I put on Bailey for night, and I put in a regular insert as well as a newborn one for added absorbency. These ones clean up so easily that I don’t even need to use the flushable liners.

I bought my first 3 from Cravings here in Saskatoon, and the remaining 9 I purchased online from Caterpillar Baby, an online store based in Toronto. I saved about the cost of one diaper by buying online, and they had free shipping. I also bought a diaper pail liner and a travel wet bag. My diaper pail is just a lidded garbage can that I picked up at Wal-Mart.

So what does this actually look like in daily life? Diaper changes mean taking off the old diaper, if it’s just a wet AIO I throw it straight in the pail, if it’s a pocket diaper I pull the insert out and then throw both pieces in the pail. If it’s dirty I wipe her with a cloth wipe – I just use those cheap baby washcloths you can get anywhere for like 10/$5. I had a bunch already so I figured I might as well use them for something. I have them already soaked in a homemade wipes solution (I use the Easy Peasy one here). What used to take 3-4 disposable wipes to clean now usually takes 1-2 cloth wipes. (And no more driving all over the city just to get wipes that clean well and don’t smell horrible!) Dump the poop in the toilet, flush, then toss the diaper in the pail. Done.

For when we go out of the house, I throw a few cloth diapers in my purse, I use disposable wipes, and I have a travel wet bag. When it’s empty it stays inside my purse, and when it has a wet/dirty diaper in it I just snap it around my purse strap. When we get home, it and the diapers get tossed in the diaper pail. Done.

Usually when I have 3 diapers left, I throw the dirty stuff in the washing machine, including the diaper pail liner. I found a laundry detergent called Country Save at London Drugs that is fabulous for diapers and for all our laundry. (For diapers, it’s important to use a detergent that isn’t going to leave build-up on the cloth, otherwise they will start to repel liquid rather than absorb it – this detergent is great for that reason). So on our washing machine I do a cold quick wash with about 1 tablespoon of soap, then a hot regular wash with another tablespoon of soap. Then I throw it all in the dryer with that dry towel I mentioned before. If I’m hanging to dry, I still throw them in the dryer for about 15 minutes – I guess it makes them a bit softer than hanging them straight out of the washer.

It might sound like a lot of work after I lay it all out here, but it’s really, truly, honestly not. We are saving money, we are reducing the amount of garbage in our home, poop goes in the toilet where it belongs, the house smells less -not more- than it did before, baby isn’t marinating in who-knows-what questionable chemicals, and I don’t have experience with this yet – but they say that cloth diapered babies potty train earlier. Bonus!

So there you have it. The way we do it is definitely not the only way to do it. There are so many things you could do differently, so many different kinds of diapers you could use. You don’t have to be all-or-nothing about it. I thought I would still use disposables sometimes, but I love cloth so much that I really don’t want to use sposies anymore.

You’ve all seen them. Reusable market bags seem to be everywhere these days. Every time I am standing in line at a checkout counter, there they are – reusable bags emblazoned with the label of the particular chain store.

I met a woman this past weekend that has a reusable market bag in every color to ensure that her bag matches the outfit she happens to have on that day. Hmmmm…something just doesn’t seem right about that. Does it?

Read the whole post here. I had to laugh, because it’s just so true. Something just doesn’t seem right about the sheer quantity of reusable bags available for sale now. When they first came out it was a breath of fresh air, an “about time!” kind of moment. And now…..oh brother.

For those of you who check my 365 blog, what comes next might give you a sense of deja vu, but I’m posting this at 2am, so I’m a little short on creative content at the moment. And don’t stop reading! I’ve written more here than on the photoblog!
I’ve been accumulating a bunch of fabric scraps over the past few years, thinking surely they’d come in handy for something. The spring cleaning bug hit me pretty hard this year, and I kept thinking I should really get rid of the scraps if I wasn’t going to do something useful with them. I had been toying with the idea turning them into a bag, and today came across the Simple Organic post that I mentioned above. It has a link for a sturdier bag tutorial, and I figured it was now or never.

So, voila! These are the bottoms of my dining room and living room curtains! I added a few extras to the original design – mine has pockets on the inside. I am thrilled with the result, and perhaps the most thrilling part of all is that
I DID NOT CRY !!!!
hahaha! It sounds ridiculous to say that, but it’s a big victory for me every time I complete a sewing project without breaking down in tears and wanting to quit at some point :) I am also thinking I might need to rethink my opinion that I don’t know how to sew. Obviously if I can whip something like this up I must know how to do something right with a sewing machine.

If I were paid by the hour for making this bag it would be one pricey little number, and of course I could have bought a reusable shopping bag for pennies compared to what my time is worth. But this isn’t just about economics. I made this. With my own two hands and a sewing machine (man, can you imagine how long it would have taken without the machine?!). I repurposed something that might have otherwise ended up in the garbage, and turned it into something beautiful, useful, and just plain cute. I now know that certainly, the colours of curtains that I have mingling on my main floor coordinate just fine – they look great mingling in bag form! And like I said before, I didn’t cry. What a boost for my confidence. I’m now wondering what I should attempt to sew next…

Some of you may know that our lives are pretty tame when it comes to smells. Perfum, Old Spice, Gain, and -insert noxious smelly product of choice here- would send Clay’s head spinning, then pounding, and his lungs gasping for air. I had to learn very quickly to cut out any and all smells in my daily routine if I wanted him to be able to come near me – and believe me, I did! Very quickly, my avoidance of these products caused me to develop an intolerance to fragrance as well, and in the recent past it has been more severe for me than for Clay! It was a matter of survival for us to find things to use on a daily basis that wouldn’t make us sick.
Dish soap.
Laundry detergent.
Household cleaners.
Shampoo.
Hand soap.
Lotion.
Deodourant.
Sunscreen.
Have you ever stopped to really think about how much all these things smell? A lot, let me tell you.

I have always tried to make relatively responsible decisions when it comes to how I take care of the earth – I serve a great God who handed this ball of land and sea over to us and told us to take care of it, so I take steps where I can to live responsibly and be mindful of my actions. Little things I guess – recycling, driving a fuel efficient vehicle (no Hummer in our household), I don’t know, just basic common sense stuff I think. Most of the things that I do that are good for the earth are also good for the wallet. When you’re on a tight one income budget, you’ve got to pinch pennies.

It’s very fashionable to be “green” these days, what with global warming and all *cough cough, snicker*. You’re making such a cute and responsible fashion statement when you whip out your adorable floral canvas shopping bag at the grocery store, when 5 years ago it just felt awkward to say, “Um, no thanks, I actually brought my own bag.” Of course the bag probably wasn’t cute then. And you would have been considered a hippie.

So for all my scent free products and cleaning schemes, all my recycling and reusable bags, I’ve never really thought of myself as green or crunchy (granola….hippie…..yeah, you get it), it was just the way I did things. If anything I’d describe my actions as cheap, and a lot of it I learned from my mama. Okay let’s not say cheap…um, frugal. Thrifty!

I had a bit of an awakening moment about a month ago when I read this blog post – 40 Ways to Go Greener at Home (Besides Just Recycling). I realized I do about half the things on the list, and most of the others were somewhere on my radar as things to do – most were not news to me. Was I really that green? Did I really live differently than most people? Did most people not do these things? I just assumed they did. (If you read the post, I’m curious if you do some of these things. And let’s just be painfully clear here that I do not believe in justification through recycling and driving a Smart Car! Just so we’re clear.)

My understanding of myself being different continued a few days later as I meandered through Shopper’s Drug Mart. Occasionally I get out of the house by myself, and on these occasions I sometimes like to just browse through a big store like I have all the time in the world. (Without kids along, I really do have all the time in the world! And it’s very quiet…) Alright so this time it was Shopper’s. I start on the far wall – makeup or something, and wander through shampoo, lotion, deodorant, hair dye, perfum (I didn’t wander, I sped past), soap…..I walked through about 4 aisles when it dawned on me – I don’t buy any of this stuff. “Who buys this stuff?!” I wondered. I mean, I’m a normal person, and if I don’t buy it, who would? Ooooooohhhhhhhh. Maybe I’m not as normal as I think I am. It just hit me in a way I have never realized before, how not normal this part of my life is. It also hit me how much money we must save by not buying all this stuff!

It has taken me nearly six years of marriage to be where I am in my ability to manage a household and “I wish that I knew what I know now, when I was younger” (Thanks Rod Stewart, you said it perfectly). Some of it was knowledge gleaned from my mom, some of it was found on the web and in ecofreak books, and and the rest just had to be discovered through a lot of trial, error, and headaches thanks to not being able to find anything to do the job that didn’t stink. I’m different, and that’s okay. And I hope to share some of what I know, so that maybe someone reading this could learn something too.

All those cleaning products under your sink, all the products in your bathroom – you don’t need them. They’re not helping, cleaning, or making life simpler – they are hindering, polluting, and making life more complicated.

I posted this photo on my 365 blog last week and promised I’d post the recipe here. Sorry for being a slowpoke.
This is the first meal I’ve made from Jamie’s Food Revolution – I was so thrilled with the results, and I’m pumped to try something else from the book. It’s all about getting people cooking real food, and realizing that cooking does not have to be scary – anyone can cook. The goal is to get people passing on their recipes so that more and more people join the revolution. So here I go, passing it on to you! This really was simple to make – the trickiest part was just getting my bowl with the cheese to stay on top of my pot properly, since it was nearly the same circumference as the top of the pot, it was a little wobbly. It worked though, and sure was tastier than mac & cheese out of a box!

1/2 a head of cauliflower
8 oz Cheddar cheese
4 oz Parmesan cheese
small bunch of fresh Italian parsley
sea salt
1 lb dried elbow macaroni (I substituted bow-ties)
1 cup sour cream (or creme fraiche if you can find it and are feeling decadent)

Chop cauliflower into small florets and thinly slice the stalk. Grate the Cheddar and Parmesan into a large heatproof bowl. Finely chop the parsley stalks and leaves.

Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil. Add the macaroni and cauliflower and cook according to macaroni package instructions. Place the bowl of cheese over the pot and add the sour cream. Carefully stir every so often until the cheese is smooth and melted. If the water boils up below, turn down the heat slightly. Add all the chopped parsley to the melted cheese and season with salt and pepper. Carefully remove bowl with oven mitts and set aside. Reserve some of the cooking water, then drain pasta in a colander. Return pasta to pot, pour in the melted cheese, and stir. If the consistency is too thick, add a bit of your cooking water to think it out. Now you can serve as is, or finish it under the broiler to make it crispy and golden on top – preheat your broiler to medium/high heat, add 2/3 cup of the reserved cooking water to the macaroni, stir in, then transfer to a baking dish. Place under the broiler until golden and bubbling.

Warm weather is here and I am loving it! In the past I have never really minded winter all that much, haven’t paid much mind to the changing of seasons except to dislike the transition from spring to summer because I’m not much of a fan of the heat. This spring is totally different. I didn’t realize how drained I was feeling from being cooped up inside all winter until it was nice enough to get out. I know it’s possible to get out for fresh air in the winter, but with three kids age 4 and under, it’s not very probable.

A month ago I started some tomato and pepper seeds, and it has done wonders for my state of mind to watch these seeds take root, poke their tiny heads out of the soil, and lean toward the life sustaining sun that shines upon them. Look at my tomato plants just last week!

So cheers! Cheers to warm weather! Cheers to delicious fruit at the store that doesn’t cost you your firstborn child! Cheers to sitting on the front step eating that fruit! Cheers to your kids getting out on their bikes and trikes! Cheers to irises and lilies poking their heads out of the ground, and more soon to follow! Cheers to yardwork, finishing our deck, getting patio furniture, and sitting on that deck all summer long (under an umbrella…like I said, I don’t love the heat). Cheers to strawberry iced tea with a splash of white wine. Mmmm….thank you Jesus. Cheers to the simple things.

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For any and all of you wondering when I am going to post a picture of my shredded bod……hah. Not anytime soon, that’s for sure! I fell of the exercise wagon and have been too ashamed to show my face around here. I actually considered never blogging again so I wouldn’t have to tell you all I failed. It sounds hilarious now that I actually am admitting it! That slug nature is a tough one to kill! I seem far too comfortable to sit around drinking Coke (okay honestly that’s not a regular occurrence but it’s what I happen to be doing at this very moment) as long as I hover around the same weight. I heard it said once, “Don’t judge your success and failure by what the scale says, but by how your clothes fit.” Well I’m happy with the size I am now and my jeans are not getting any snugger, so I have been foolishly allowing myself to say I’m doing fine. I’m not. I’ve been dealing with a lot of back pain and headaches again lately.

I’m still planning on running that 5k in June, and I hear my race partner has been sticking with her training (way to go Jessica!) so I better get back at it this week. Sigh. No one said this would be easy, right?

You moms out there are going to get a kick out of this!

I was feeling pretty confident today since I’ve been feeling pretty good doing level 1 of 30 Day Shred. I was hardly doing any of the modified versions anymore and figured I was ready to step it up to level 2.

Can I step back to level 1 next time and just feel proud of myself for being able to do it? Can I just forget that there are levels 2 and 3 on the DVD?

I suppose I can’t.

I’m taking a sabbath rest tomorrow.

Maybe level 2 will be more kind to me on Monday.
I’ll pray about that.

I didn’t work out yesterday. I felt sluggish all day.

If I’m honest, before I started my workout today I just felt like sitting on the couch with a big mug of sugar and a big plate of sugar on the side. I had a nagging headache and felt emotionally off, all I wanted to do was sit under a blanket and cry. I felt like a slug – wanting to hide under a rock.

I seriously contemplated giving up on this whole thing. I know I’m getting stronger and feeling better, but I think the realization of this being a lifestyle change and not just a 30 day thing is hitting me. Yeah the DVD is a 30 day workout, but if I want the effects to stay with me I need to make this part of my everyday life. I wondered if that was something I was willing to do. And I wondered if I don’t make the change to be more active now….then when? I’ve been wanting to for a few years already, and keep quitting. Every time I quit it gets harder to get back up and start again. And then I put my shoes on and got my butt in gear.

Now, after finishing day seven, I feel energized! I’m not dead tired like I was on day 1, I’m in less pain, and I don’t feel like bursting into tears anymore. I’m walking with a spring in my step rather than feeling like the weight of the world is on my slumped-forward shoulders.

Have you ever poured salt on a slug? When I was in my teens, my whole family spent a week on an island off the coast of BC. It was beautiful, but on it were the most massive, slimy, disgusting slugs I have ever seen in my life. After it would rain the slugs would be all over the place. Gross. But if you pour salt on them….well, I’ll spare you the details but they die. Really, there’s a point to this, hang in there….

Okay think of it this way: the truth of me needing to take care of my body and get stronger as an act of worship of our Great God and Savior is like salt. It’s like I need to constantly pour that salt on the slug in me, and put to death that slug nature. So from now on, when I don’t want to be active, and think I would rather sit on the couch with a big cookie, I’m going to try visualizing those slugs.

I do not want to be a slug.

The past week, our house has been an absolute disaster zone. I just could not get a grip on all the toys, clutter, paper, and junk. I blame it on the fact that our outside garbage can was full to the brim (hadn’t dragged it to the curb for over a month), so there was nowhere to put all the junk even if I did clean it up. Well yesterday I started putting things away and boy does it feel better in here! I hauled all the recycling away, except for the bottles and cans, and made a few bucks digging a stash of wine bottles out of the tin can recycling dumpster. Who does that? I do. Who dumps glass in the tin bin? I dunno. Someone who likes to throw money away and can’t read, I guess.

I did my workout yesterday evening, and again this morning. After six days, I cannot believe how much stronger I am feeling, and I have noticed a dramatic change in my posture already. I’ll keep pressing on.

My photo of the day is done already. What a relief it is to have that done early in the day, rather than scrambling at 10pm for something interesting to shoot!

And how bout this weather?! It’s like April in the middle of January. If I believed in the whole global warming thing I’d thank you all for your large carbon footprint right about now. Instead I praise God for his mercy to send us a little extra sunshine and warmth in the month that is one of the hardest for people (at least in this part of the world) to get through. It’s amazing how something as simple as being able to walk out the door with kids dressed in a hoodie and toque rather than full snowsuit gear can make the day so much easier. This may be the first year since childhood that I am really looking forward to summer. I’m not a big fan of the heat, so spring and fall have suited my taste much better in the past. But now I am so looking forward to summer, finishing our deck, sitting out there with a cold drink, BBQing, and having more opportunities to leisurely get to know our neighbours rather than running from our house to garage, and garage to house in the deep freeze of winter.

Happy Sunny Tuesday to all!

Today is my parents’ 40th wedding anniversary!

All I can do is marvel at God’s faithfulness when I consider the fact. 40 years. No marriage is perfect, and my mom and dad’s is no exception to that rule. There have been hard times. And there have been great joys. Five kids, four kids in-law (soon to be five!), twelve grandkids (and one on the way!), countless houses…one home – with Jesus at the center. It continues to be a humbling honour to watch my parents love each other as they love Christ, and to see the ways that he is making them more like himself. They made a covenant with each other to love and to cherish, for better for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, for the rest of their lives. They have come 40 years through joy and sorrow, and by God’s grace they will continue. As their love for their Savior deepens, so will their love for each other. Praise God!

I love you Mom and Dad!

No workout today. I had hoped to, but the day got away on us. We had an awesome morning celebrating our awesome Savior with the saints, then lunch with some of those folks – which took us up until about 4. After that we stopped by Safeway so I could buy a prop for today’s photo of the day (see above). The kids and I went for a visit with their cousins and my sister (technically in-law, but in my family we forget the in-law part). We got home at 9:30, and by the time I had the kids in bed I was too tired. Perhaps it would have been good to work out and get my mind off things, if only for 20 minutes. Alas, I didn’t. This evening Clay has been away, dealing with some family issues. I won’t say any more, but please be in prayer.