Archive for May, 2003

“Sucks to your pride Kimbo, sucks to your pride.”

Wednesday, May 28th, 2003

You know what is incredibly frustrating? Job hunting for over a month and turning up absolutely nothing. Zilch. Nada. Zero.

So I saw an ad in the paper about teaching English overseas: job guaranteed. Sounds good….well the part about a guaranteed job anyway. The whole travelling overseas thing is not quite so appealing: I mean I just got home, I don’t want to leave again so soon. So I tried to write off the idea, but God had other ideas. “Go to the info seminar,” he seemed to be saying over and over again. I said no. And he said yes. And I said no. And he said yes. So I said ok, fine, I’ll go check it out. And I did, and I’m more afraid of going now than I ever was before. But I think that whole thing was perhaps just a way to get me to re-evalute a job opportunity that has been under my nose this entire time.

This whole time that I’ve been job hunting people have been saying to me, “Why don’t you go back to your job at Burger King?” Well the very suggestion of that is enough to make my stomach turn. I just really am not keen about the idea of working fast food again. I mean, I’ve graduated from high school. I’ve been halfway around the world. I am capable of doing much more than serving burgers. “I’m too good for that,” was really the core of my thought, though I would never have admitted it in quite those words before.

But I talked to one of my best friends tonite, Colin, and he said maybe I should go back to BK. And I fought the idea….but really, why not? Finally I am opening my ears to God saying to me, “Sucks to your pride Kimbo! Sucks to your pride! You want to be a light, so be one. BK needs your light as much as any other place.”

So maybe I’ll be going back to the fast food business. I still don’t want to, but sucks to my pride right?

Rant Of The Moment

Monday, May 26th, 2003

I was at the Vibe Awards in Calgary this past weekend. All in all, a pretty good experience. stereotrap was amazing, I got to spend time with Crystal: a friend from SoD, and the road trip was a blast. I have four words for you: Drumheller dinosaur sprinkler park :)

The title of this post however, is not “my amazing weekend in Calgary”. So I’ll get on with my ranting.

Right before the intermission at the Vibe Awards, they played a promo video for Compassion Canada and the wonderful world of child sponsorship. Now don’t get me wrong, I do not think that there’s anything wrong with child sponsorship. I think it’s a great thing as long as it is not the whole of your contribution to the world, because if it is you’ve got a thing or two to learn about ministry my friend. No, what bothered me is this:

The video focused on how we as a society should stop spending money to support pop culture and use that money to benefit poverty stricken children. CD’s, movies, video games…whatever consumes your money: give it up. Truly, a very good message. I agreed with the basic vibe (get it?! :)) of the video.

But (and there always is a “but”, isn’t there?) then the mc’s told us, “ok, we’re going to have a fifteen minute intermission. Take some time to stretch your legs, grab something from the concession, and check out the cd’s at the Blessings table.” Excuse me?? Did we not just spend ten minutes listening to a message telling us not to spend our money on unnecessary things? How does it suddenly become okay to blow your money on cd’s when they are “Christian”? Supposedly it’s good for me to forsake buying a much wanted Starbucks caramel frappuccino in order to sponsor a needy child in Peru. Supposedly it’s good for me to pass up The Matrix: Reloaded (which I didn’t by the way: what does that say about me?) in order to feed kids in Angola. But that latest deliriou5? album? Go for it! God would be really happy with you if you spent your money on stuff that is part of Christian pop culture. As long as it’s “Christian” it’s ok.

It made me ill. In fact, I still feel ill.

The Sound Of Silence

Wednesday, May 21st, 2003

I must say that tonight was a really really great night. I went to youth, and was pumped about going because my friend Jer was going to be “preaching” and I knew it was going to be a time for God to really move. I didn’t know how he was going to move, but I knew he would. And he did. Wow.

The world is too loud; silence is so under-rated. Spending silent time with God is so key, I know that, and yet it is still so hard to do sometimes. So it was awesome tonight to have time specifically set aside for being with God. Listening to him. Talking to him. Worshipping him. I spent basically the whole time just being silent with God, pen in hand, paper in front of me, and wrote down a fraction of the things God had to say to me. His love continues to blow me away, a little more each day.

In discovering God’s love, I’ve been learning something really key: God wants to tell us what we’re doing right. He doesn’t want to sit back and condemn us for all the things we’ve done wrong, he also sees when we do things right and he wants to praise us for that. Just as it hurts him when we mess up, he is delighted when we do things that are good. And he wants to tell us what we’re doing right! Take time to listen. God loves you more than you can even begin to imagine, and he wants to tell you how much he loves you.

where I’m coming from…

Monday, May 19th, 2003

This last year I was a student on SoD (School of Discipleship). I travelled around western Canada in the fall and South Africa and Uganda during the winter. I figured it would be a good year to “find God” and deepen my faith. And I did do that…but not the way I was expecting to.

Before being on SoD, I had a really tainted picture of God. The God I thought I knew was “the God who catches people by surprise in a sign of weakness–the God incapable of smiling at our awkward mistakes, the God who does not accept a seat at our human festivities, the God who says “You will pay for that,” the God incapable of understanding that children will always get dirty and be forgetful, the God always snooping after sinners.” (Brennan Manning, The Ragamuffin Gospel ) Basically, a legalistic old man up in the sky somewhere who apparently loved me as though he were my own father…but if he is that religious and legalistic, seriously: who wants to take on a father like that when you don’t have to? Of course I had seen other glimpses of God: he wasn’t all stiff upper lip and no play to me, but my overall impression was that he wasn’t out to actually love me. Rather, he was out to make my life rough by giving me a bunch of rules to live by, and send me to hell if I didn’t comply.

That’s not who God is.

Over the past year I have finally begun to realize God’s insane love for me, and I know that I am actually getting it this time because it’s changing my life. Where I used to hold grudges, I am forgiving. Where I used to feel sorry for myself I can look at a situation objectively. I can see who I am, and that I am accepted, and I am accepting that. Yes, God loves us like a father, and like a brother and a best friend…but he is also in love with us. He is pursuing me like a crazy man in love with the woman of his dreams because he just wants to be with me. It’s crazy! And I’m finally beginning to understand. I am beginning to understand God’s grace more fully, and that I don’t have to be something or someone before he accepts me. Nothing I ever do can ever make him love me more; nothing I ever do can make him love me less.

My God smiles at my awkward mistakes and keeps on loving me. My God is a God of grace.

Monday, May 19th, 2003

“I myself walked up to the Ragman. I told him my name with shame, for I was a sorry figure next to him. Then I took off all my clothes in that place, and I said to him with a dear yearning in my voice: “Dress me.” He dressed me, my Lord, he put new rags on me, and I am a wonder beside him.”
-Walter Wangerin