part of the bigger picture

Sometime last week I turned the tv on in the morning. I have the blessing of only having three channels on my tv (blessing because it keeps me from spending hours checked out in front of a mindless box….) Anyway, 100 Huntley Street was on, and once again I was blown away by what they had on. I can’t handle shows like this. It seems so fabricated. They are so filled-with-the-Spirit and they talk so smoothly and perfectly and all this may-the-joy-of-the-Lord-be-with-you stuff just seems so superficial and shallow.

Anyway, what really blew me away this time was the lady they had on for an interview. She was talking about the call to pray through intercession and I thought, “hey cool!” because I have felt that same call numerous times. I thought she would have some great things to say.

But then she went on to talk about how intercessory prayer is her job. Her JOB. She gets paid by a company to pray for them. Paid to ask God to bless business. Give us more money, and what have you. Um, HELLO? What is that??! I may be wrong, but I highly doubt the financial well-being of a company in Calgary is all that high on God’s list of concern. What about all the starving, suffering, dying people around the world? The people hurting and in pain, needing the love of Christ to be manifested to them. I’d venture a guess that they need prayer a lot more than a capitalist corporation. Oh but wait….no one pays to pray for impoverished people. Well in that case, count me out…

For the past month and a half I’ve been busting my butt working like crazy between my two jobs. I work at a care home (I’ve been trained in three departments: food services, laundry, and housekeeping), and I work at the Superstore Photolab. Needless to say, these four departments keep me pretty friggin busy. And I’ve had it up to HERE with bad scheduling from Superstore. They always screw me over and schedule me on days that I’m already working at the care home, which has resulted in days where I have worked up to thirteen hours in one day! That is insanity. I’m not a machine, and I know if I keep this up I’m going to physically break down. My body is screaming from lack of rest….everything hurts! Plus it’s just downright frustrating that Superstore agreed to work around my schedule at the care home and now they haven’t been doing that for the past three weeks. They even schedule me for shifts that directly conflict with my other job. I’ve had it! Starting tomorrow, I’m finished with the Stupidstore. There’s no way I’m going to run my body into the ground just to make a few extra dollars.

So in about two weeks I’ll be on the hunt for a new job. I need something for the fall in order to save up money for my trip to Sweden. Anyone have any job leads? :) If you do, let me know: it would be so much appreciated!

Well, I finally broke down and picked up Avril Lavigne’s album. Thanks to her “Knockin on Heaven’s Door” video, an interview I saw with her on CTV, and Leighton’s plug, I decided to give her a second chance. Before, I thought she was all hype and no depth. But I’ve discovered that there’s a lot to her music. And she’s actually talented. I’m impressed!

I got home from Winnipeg last Tuesday, and have been working like crazy since then. Working up to 13 hours a day leaves little time for blogging, but today was only 7 hours, so here I finally am!

I had such a great time in The Peg. I stayed with my sister and her husband and two kids. I even got to baby-sit for my nephews one night: awesome time. Just call me Uncle Kimmi….haha. No wait, don’t: you’re only allowed to call me that if you’re two years old. Another highlight was spending a night out in Steinbach with my friend Talitha. (I got that URL from none other than the Steinbach water tower…) Steinbach….the land of Mennonite women in skirts rollerblading down Main Street. There’s no other place quite like it. Oh and if you’re ever there, go to The Green Tree Cafe and get the cinnamon swirl toast: it’s amazing!

On a different note, I was driving past the concert hall on Main Street in Winnipeg one afternoon, when I saw something that made my heart absolutely break. There were a bunch of people waiting at the bus stop and this man pushing a shopping cart with a garbage bag in it walked past a few of them and stopped at a garbage can. He lifted the lid and began digging through the garbage, looking for pop bottles. They all just turned away. Pretended he wasn’t there. All of them with their cushy jobs and expensive clothes and money to burn until hell freezes over. What has the world become?

That whole incident really got me thinking about who Jesus is. Jesus wouldn’t have turned his back on that man. Jesus burns with unextinguishable love for that man. Jesus loved to hang out with people just like him. Jesus’s love is not safe, and it does not make sense. I absolutely hate the way the modern church has watered the love of Christ down into something that inspires little more than collecting old sweaters for people at Christmas. Somehow I don’t see that as ‘loving your neighbor as you love yourself.'(Mark 12:31) The world sees Jesus as some soft spoken pushover who hands out candy coated water drops in an attempt to get people into the doors of a church. Jesus was the most radical and upside down man to ever walk this earth. What would the world become if we started loving with his radical love?

i want my life
to be a dance of joy.
i want to come
unashamed
before you my love
and be free
to laugh
to cry
to be who i am.
i want my life
to be a dance of joy.
i will face trouble;
my feet will ache
my heart will cry
i will become tired and weary
for the road is long and hard.
but i never want to stop
dancing
this dance of joy.
i love to see laughter
flooding from your eyes
you know who i am
where i’ve been
and still you love me.
you look with a smile
and tell me i’m beautiful.
i am, for i am Yours.
because i am Yours
i will dance this dance of joy.
i am Yours.
and i will dance my dance of joy.

Tomorrow, after an eight hour shift at work, I’m off to Winnipeg to visit my sister and a bunch of friends from SoD: WOO HOO!!! I’ll be gone all weekend and man am I ever pumped to get away from here for a few days. I’m so pumped to see everyone from SoD! So that’s my excuse for my imminent lack of blogging. Party on folks, I’ll let you know when I’m home.

I haven’t been blogging much lately because I feel like I have nothing important to say. I’ve been feeling pretty dry lately. Like I’ve been putting my energy into things that I shouldn’t be. I’ve been working pretty much full time, so that’s a big drain on my brain. I’m working at the Superstore Photolab (pretty sweet job when they’re not screwing me over with bad scheduling), and I’m also working at a nursing home in Saskatoon. I’ve been trained in three different departments there: kitchen, laundry, and housekeeping. My brain is filled to overflowing with all the things I have to remember.

Stress. Yeah, that’s probably what’s been the main trigger to the migraine that has been plaguing me the past few days. I think I’ve finally reached a point where I just need some downtime and the only way my body gets an opportunity to relax is if I’m sick. Then I have to stay home from work. I have to take it easy. It’s so nice to just be lazy for a day.

I’ve been finding myself to be at a bit of a stage of rebellion in the past while. I’m so sick of the beliefs so many people have that “Good Christians don’t smoke”, and “Good Christians don’t swear”, or what have you. It’s such a joke that people actually think that selling out to the spirit of religion will save them. In the end, what will be more important? That you didn’t smoke, or that you loved people? Why do we focus on not doing the ‘wrong’ things instead of focusing on doing good? We get so caught up in being religious and measuring up to a certain standard of what a ‘Christian’ is that we fail to do the things we’re actually supposed to be doing: loving God and loving others. That’s all it comes down to. As for my smoking a cigar or a pipe here and there out of rebellion to the spirit of religion: I’m not too concerned at this point. I’d say it’s more important to get caught up in loving people.

It appears that God is leading me to Sweden next year: yes that’s right, the wonderful land of IKEA. Everyone kept asking me what I was going to be doing next year. I hate that question. But I finally have an answer I think. As things look right now, I’ll probably be heading to Sweden in January or February of 2004 with Mission Builders International. It’s a branch of YWAM, and I’ll basically only have to pay for my flight there. Then I will work at a YWAM base for my room and board. Sweet deal! I’m so pumped about this. The idea to go was definitely not mine, it came straight from God, and He’s been directing my every step so far in this decision. I can hardly wait to see what all is in store with this all. It definitely will not be an easy road though, and I am anticipating difficulty already. I mean, travelling across the world all by myself sounds like anything but a walk in the park. Faith, faith, faith: that is what it all boils down to. I’m not sure how long I’ll be there, but most likely it will be 2-3 months. Yikes, this is so real it’s scary. If you could please keep me in your prayers I’d greatly appreciate it. As for the rest of my life…..we’ll see……

i awaken every day
to a fear that it’s all a dream
to a fear that i might lose you
to a fear that things won’t be the same.

my fear exists without warrent
it comes as a means of doubt
but i do not doubt your love, my love
for your love i cannot live without.

you illuminate the shadows
you’ve filled my heart’s empty hole.
i’m happy just to hear you breathing
you breathe life into my soul.

heaven is in my grasp
when the rain pours down on us.
in your arms i feel perfect safety
in your eyes i find perfect trust.

you illuminate the shadows
you’ve filled my heart’s empty hole.
i’m happy just to hear you breathing
you breathe life into my soul.

A friend of mine from SoD is a great inspiration to me when it comes to practical, simple living. While many people dream of how much money they will make and of all the toys they will buy with that money, Susty spends his time dreaming of a life of simplicity. A life of living in a straw bale house. A life of living in intentional community. A life abandoning the quest for material things: a life looking at finding out what life really is about since, in fact, it is not about getting as much stuff as you can. Jeremy said to me at one time: “The forty hour work week is a joke: it’s not about need it’s about greed!” You don’t need to work full time in order to live. Heck, you don’t really even need to work in order to live. Now most people would respond to me with: “Yeah…but……then life wouldn’t be comfortable.” How right you are. But who ever said that we’re supposed to be comfortable while we’re here on earth? Who says that you need a sweet ride? Who says you need to own a huge house? Or any house at all for that matter? Who says?? The world. Sorry, but I don’t buy it. So as of late I am trying to figure out what simple practical living means for me. What does abandoning the world’s quest for ‘stuff’ really require of me? How simply must I live? Here is a cool site about what it means to live a simple life…it’s a lot to think about. Let me know what you think.