Breakdown

Holy wow, today was messed up. The past few days have been messed up.
For the past 5 months, I’ve been very up and down about my relationship with Clay. Thursday marked the start of another “down” time for me. I was just like, “Frick, I don’t even care anymore…what the heck am I doing??” I don’t even know how to explain it. I always come to this place though, so it was like, “ok, here we go again….super.” Had no clue what I should do. I had promised him a while back that I would never make a huge decision about where our relationship is or is not heading if we were apart. By the way, for anyone who doesn’t know, he lives in Edmonton. Anyway….. I was all stressed about what I should do. “Should I be dating him?? Should I not? Why am I dating him?” All these questions making me stressed. Now I’m not. I don’t know what’s going on. But things are ok, I know that much. I know that doesn’t make much sense, but truly, I don’t want to think right now.

So, as a result of my stress, I woke up on Sunday morning with a big-ass cold sore on my lip. I seem to get them primarily when I am stressed out. So my top lip was (and still is) swollen as huge as a grapefruit (ok, it’s not quite that bad…) and I have this raunchy sore on it. I don’t look like myself, ergo, I do not feel like myself. I know I look rediculous and don’t want people to see me like this. Another source of stress was that I was scheduled to work at Central Haven and at Starbucks at the same time tomorrow. I’ve been trying since Friday to switch shifts around in order to avoid having to be in two places at once (in case you didn’t know, I am not God; therefore, it’s not possible for me to work at both places at the same time). So I wake up this morning completely on the wrong side of the bed. Got out of bed, sobbing, so I went to wash my face, hoping that I would be able to stop crying. It worked for a few minutes. Then I was about to leave for work (horray for 8 hour shifts when you look like a freak…) and my Dad asked me if I was ok. My eyes started welling up. “No I’m not ok. I have to work at both jobs tomorrow and none of my shift switching attempts are working. Plus, I look retarded with this stupid lip!” He quoted Philippians 4:6-7 to me, told me to just pray about it and trust that God would help take care of my shift situation. I sort of believed him. Sort of didn’t. Then he gave me a hug and I lost it. Sobbing all over again. What a mess.

Well you know what? I got rid of not one, but BOTH of my shifts tomorrow. Dang. How cool is that?! So not only do I not have to stress about my shifts, but I can stay home and not have anyone look at my yucky lip. Thank you Lord! Now if only my lip would heal….

12 Responses to “Breakdown”

  1. Neely Says:

    Wow, you have the coolest dad :) And I’m glad (almost) everything worked out for you!

  2. Clay Says:

    It’s good you got both your shifts off today. Rest is important…after going through so much stress, rest is very much needed. I hope you’re lip isn’t bothering you too much anymore hun.

  3. hailey Says:

    kim, i think your lip is sexy!

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