Questioning the Lord

I had a bit of a breakdown today…a little bit of a rant at God. I was angry about the fact that I am so far away from Clay. In June, the Lord asked me to go to Sweden, so I said yes. Then soon after, I started dating Clay. So I questioned whether I should go to Sweden, but concluded that I should still go. THEN, I got engaged, and I still came here. WHY?? Why Lord, have you brought me to the other side of the world and asked me to leave the person I love the most? Then I said something like, “And now I’m just supposed to wait patiently for the Lord to reveal my purpose here???” That’s when it hit me. Patience. Just yesterday I was talking to Clay on MSN. We were talking about how this distance and time apart, though difficult, will be good for our relationship. He already sees it making his ability to communicate grow, and I asked him what he thought I should be working on. You know what he said?

Patience.

I suck at being patient. Fully, I suck. But I want to be better at it. I want to have patience…..but acquiring this fruit is going to be painful. Argh. But I want it, and I will go through whatever refining fires the Lord places in my path in order to bring me to the place he wants me to be at. I want my character to grow into that of a true woman of God.

I still question why the Lord asked me to come to Sweden…I mean, couldn’t this work on me be done somewhere else? But apparently not…..maybe I’ll never know why I’m here of all places. Please keep me in your prayers. That I would continue to seek the face of God in this land of newness and infamiliar faces.

6 Responses to “Questioning the Lord”

  1. Clay Says:

    I know God will show you patience and help you grow in the way He wants you to. I love you completely and trust God to make you the woman He wants you to be and me the man He wants me to be.

  2. Lark Says:

    Kim – do you realize that you said ‘fully’ in your blog. I LOVE it!! I have a word for you, my dear. Perhaps it will help.

    Perspective.

    Kim you are a servant of the most high God. And not only a servant, a sheep, a daughter, a friend…even a BRIDE. When I think of your time in Sweden and what it will entail – I can only smile at the Lord’s resourcefulness and wild heart. He brought you across an ocean JUST to teach you a few things about himself. To refine your heart before it melds with another of his servants’. To continue to purify your character. To reveal more of the First Bridegroom to His bride. How freaking romantic is THAT of the Lord. Ha. I love it. God is cute. (hmmm, I wonder if people will think I’m wierd for saying that)

    Kim – hun I bet it’s tough. Just know that I’m thinking of you, praying for you….missing you…and hoping that you will remain fully in the moment of Sweden while you in that “snapshot” of life – that God may have his way in you. His treasure.

    Hope to hear from you soon, girl.

    hugs…

  3. hailey Says:

    hey hon. im thinking about you and praying for you. yeah, your situation is a rough one. i should know with all the relationships im in…anyways, i gotta jet, but i prayed for you right now. can you feel it?

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