I know, it doesn’t make sense that I would plan on coming out here for 3 months and then leave after a week. It doesn’t make sense at all. At first this started with just being frustrated with the huge lack of organization here (they’ve known for months that I was coming, and yet there was nothing really lined up for me to work on). That bugged me. I mean, I came here to work, and then I wasn’t doing anything. It just kept getting put off. Which is fine, but I’m not paying to be here, so I’m just mooching off of the money that people donate to YWAM and that didn’t sit well with me either. On top of that, I feel kinda dispensable here…..like a lot of the people here aren’t really that busy with stuff, that if and when they actually did find something for me to do, it could easily be done by someone else. I mean, it doesn’t take an expert to paint walls. I don’t think that God needs a Canadian to come all the way to Sweden to paint, when there are plenty of other people who could do it.
I don’t regret having come here. I have learned quite a bit already for only having been here a week, and am glad I came. I feel refreshed. The thing is, my heart is with people at home. That is where I feel God calling me to serve Him: home is the most uncomfortable place for me to be a servant, and that is where I need to be. I don’t know if that is making sense. I mean, missions is always something built up to be some big theatrical thing where you have to go away and minister to people in some distant land. Nevermind that some people leave their homes to come to Canada to be missionaries….I think it’s more effective when you can be a servant in your own culture. It is uncomfortable to be a light in the places where people know you best, but it is necessary. With all the money spent to send people overseas, so much could be done right where we are!! And so:! I don’t feel like I should be here. I feel like I should be at home getting involved with “missions” there. Not clinging to an organization, but clinging to God.
So that’s my story. I’ll be home….soon.