Lack of Direction

I don’t know what this blog is supposed to be anymore. When I started blogging I was doing the pomo thing and looking for answers to what it means to be a follower of Christ. I definitely don’t have all the answers, but I realized that what I had been taught was not so off the mark and that the “institutional church” does not deserve the demonizing that the pomo church was giving it. Of course there are problems in the church as a whole, and as such, there are problems in the smaller church bodies. But that doesn’t mean we should shun church. I’m glad it didn’t take me too long to figure it out and to start going back to my home church. We attend an awesome church and I am so thankful for the people who make it home. It is a place of freedom, love, acceptance, and joy.

I also used to post a lot of poetry/song lyrics. I don’t write anymore. I don’t know if my love of music was real or if I was trying to be what everyone around me was: a musician. Everyone I hung around with in high school and shortly thereafter was a musician, as was I. I wrote music because it seemed to feed my soul….. or was I just trying to fit in? I really don’t know. I haven’t written music, or even played it, for probably over a year. I guess I’m trying to figure out if it’s my passion or someone else’s. Still don’t have an answer to that one….

I used to blog about being pregnant. Well I’m not pregnant right now, so there goes that topic :)

I used to post pictures of Markus, so it would stand to reason that I should be posting pictures of both boys now. It’s a funny thing though, how the the firstborn really does get WAY more pictures taken of them than the kids after them. I just have no time to take pictures, and when I do get the camera out, Markus wants to be behind it, not in front. I’m lucky if I get one picture of him or Wyatt before the camera is taken from me and filled with pictures of table legs, carpet, and Markus’ t-shirt. What a sweetie.

Alas, it’s naptime and I don’t have a clue what to say. I used to blog to try and figure out who I am. Now I don’t blog because I don’t know who I am. I’d like to know. Maybe I complicate things too much. I just don’t know what I like. Or maybe I do, but I don’t allow myself to be proud of who I am because I wonder if other people will like who I am. I was a musician because it was acceptable…. will I be accepted if I don’t write music? Will I be accepted for the things I like? What ARE those things?

One Response to “Lack of Direction”

  1. Becky Says:

    WOW Kimberly, been there… I remember sitting in a mom’s group meeting crying to myself because the speaker asked us to draw who we where but nothing to do with being a mom or wife… I had nothing.


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