As I stop to think.

This pregnancy is humming along – to the tune of Mario Bros. theme songs, which is what I hear my boys humming all day long. Most of the time life is racing by, and I often don’t have time to think. When the rare opportunity to ponder strikes, these are some of the things floating through my mind.

There were a few times during the Christmas season that I sort of stopped and watched our 3 kids in disbelief – this would be our last Christmas with the 3 of them. Next Christmas, Lord willing, there will be 4. Four children! I can’t quite comprehend the thought. So in those moments, I try to burn the memories in my mind. Their voices, their laughter, their smiles, and antics. They are so much fun, and as hard as it is to believe, they really won’t be this small forever.

Three kids draw attention. I think I’m oblivious to it a lot of the time because it’s just my life and I’m too busy dealing with crowd control to notice what people think of all the small children in my company, but there are times when I’m keenly aware of my entourage. I am thrilled that another baby is on the way, and in all honestly don’t care if there are people in the world who aren’t thrilled about it. I still wonder though. As my belly starts to blossom and the bump will inevitably become more obvious, I wonder what kind of looks and comments I will encounter when I am out and about. I actually expect people to say rude things to me, and my inner cynic wants to have an arsenal of snide remarks to shoot back to those people. But I know that is not how the Holy Spirit would have me respond. I want to respond with grace, whether people approve of our family or not.

There are many women who could express this better I could, but here’s my opinion of birth in a nutshell. Our bodies were created by a loving and brilliant God, who knows biology – he did create it, after all. He equipped a woman’s body with the ability and strength to not only carry a baby for 10 months, but to birth that baby. Birth is not something to be feared; it is a natural process that women are capable of flourishing in, if they are given the support to do so. Giving birth should be one of the most empowering experiences in a woman’s life – one where she is treated with dignity, respect, and honour. Woman, you were made for this. My thoughts on this will undoubtedly unfold more as the months go on.

I had my second visit with my midwife last week, and I am loving my experience with her. I was able to hear our baby’s heartbeat and that experience will forever be etched in my mind. I was laying down with the doppler sliding around on my belly, and there was the sound, *kwooosh kwooosh kwooosh* – I’ve been here before. What’s different this time, what is keeping this memory with me, is the simple fact that she turned the doppler around so I could see the display, “156”. I don’t know why, but my doctor (I love her) never did that for me with any of my other kids. Just seeing that number made me realize, “Wow. That’s not just a noise. That’s a real heartbeat. A 156 beats per minute real heartbeat.” After that, because appointments are way longer with a midwife than with a doctor, I actually had time to think about some of the questions that had been floating through my mind over the past month, and we discussed them as they came to mind. At the end of it all, she was laughing at me because almost all my questions were about labour, birth, or post-date procedures, which are usually not things that most people discuss until around 30 weeks. “You sure are a curious woman!” she declared. I’ll take it as a compliment :)

Within the next six months my belly will become joyfully round, by the grace of God a new soul will greet the world, and I will have another precious child to hold, treasure, and train up in the Lord. Welcome 2011, I’m excited for what’s in store.

6 Responses to “As I stop to think.”

  1. Steve Says:

    Awesome write up sis! If you ever doubted how much I love(d) you, look at some of the awesome pics off to the side of this page… look at how I held you and adored the little girl who I was just waiting to pester when she got older! :P Hope you have more and more great days raising that ball team!

  2. Becky Fehr Says:

    Oh I expected the same and was nervous about how I would handle it when pregnant with number four. I have been very good at laughing it off as naivety.

    In spite of those moments the good stands stronger in my mama mind. This Christmas my oldest boy had held the door open for an older woman in a wheel chair. We helped her out and still I managed to keep all four little chicks in check as we entered the underground parking. My daughter wished her a Merry Christmas and with a surprised look and then a smile as she took a good look, and realized I had four little ones with me, she said ‘You have such a lovely collection of children, I hope you know how blessed you are?!’ I responded I sure do but I was also chocked up that she took the time to offer me such kind words , the kind of words that every hectic mom would desire to hear.

  3. Amy Says:

    Its funny how complete strangers like to try to judge and dictate others lives. I think we all get it from time to time and your right though it would feel satisfying to have a snarky come back that is probably not God honoring. I got it when people would realize how long mike and I had been married and that we didn’t have any children. People were rude enough to ask if we weren’t able to have children or I’d get don’t you want any. That was especially hard when it was such a sore subject for us. I try to remember these things when encountering other people so that I don’t accidentally make rude comments to people without thinking about it. Hang in there and all your kids are so wonderful I can’t wait to meet the next one!

  4. Allie Says:

    I agree 100% about birth. I’ve been half wondering lately if maybe I’m too gung-ho for the natural birth; maybe it’s not worth the pain, maybe it would be more “fun” if a person gets an epidural, etc. But when I think about it, God did make us to do this, and the word “empowering” is always what comes to mind for me, too. I’m always surprised how few women I know wind up going through with a drug-free birth, even if they had planned to do it or wanted to do it. I think my mom, me, and one friend are the only people I know in person, as far as I know. So good for you for thinking about it!! I’m excited to hear how it goes in … hmm … 5 months-ish? Lord willing! :)

  5. Casey Munro Says:

    Just so you know, your posts are always making me want to have another baby! I really don’t want to right now because I know my body needs some time to recover from the 3 pregnancies I’ve had in the last 2ish years, but you make me want to try again with more “control” and preparation. I’m very happy for you and your family:-) Many blessings to you!

  6. Dana Says:

    So excited for this baby! And can’t wait to chat in person soon. I’m so glad you are having a great experience with your midwife!

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