part of the bigger picture

You moms out there are going to get a kick out of this!

I was feeling pretty confident today since I’ve been feeling pretty good doing level 1 of 30 Day Shred. I was hardly doing any of the modified versions anymore and figured I was ready to step it up to level 2.

Can I step back to level 1 next time and just feel proud of myself for being able to do it? Can I just forget that there are levels 2 and 3 on the DVD?

I suppose I can’t.

I’m taking a sabbath rest tomorrow.

Maybe level 2 will be more kind to me on Monday.
I’ll pray about that.

I didn’t work out yesterday. I felt sluggish all day.

If I’m honest, before I started my workout today I just felt like sitting on the couch with a big mug of sugar and a big plate of sugar on the side. I had a nagging headache and felt emotionally off, all I wanted to do was sit under a blanket and cry. I felt like a slug - wanting to hide under a rock.

I seriously contemplated giving up on this whole thing. I know I’m getting stronger and feeling better, but I think the realization of this being a lifestyle change and not just a 30 day thing is hitting me. Yeah the DVD is a 30 day workout, but if I want the effects to stay with me I need to make this part of my everyday life. I wondered if that was something I was willing to do. And I wondered if I don’t make the change to be more active now….then when? I’ve been wanting to for a few years already, and keep quitting. Every time I quit it gets harder to get back up and start again. And then I put my shoes on and got my butt in gear.

Now, after finishing day seven, I feel energized! I’m not dead tired like I was on day 1, I’m in less pain, and I don’t feel like bursting into tears anymore. I’m walking with a spring in my step rather than feeling like the weight of the world is on my slumped-forward shoulders.

Have you ever poured salt on a slug? When I was in my teens, my whole family spent a week on an island off the coast of BC. It was beautiful, but on it were the most massive, slimy, disgusting slugs I have ever seen in my life. After it would rain the slugs would be all over the place. Gross. But if you pour salt on them….well, I’ll spare you the details but they die. Really, there’s a point to this, hang in there….

Okay think of it this way: the truth of me needing to take care of my body and get stronger as an act of worship of our Great God and Savior is like salt. It’s like I need to constantly pour that salt on the slug in me, and put to death that slug nature. So from now on, when I don’t want to be active, and think I would rather sit on the couch with a big cookie, I’m going to try visualizing those slugs.

I do not want to be a slug.

The past week, our house has been an absolute disaster zone. I just could not get a grip on all the toys, clutter, paper, and junk. I blame it on the fact that our outside garbage can was full to the brim (hadn’t dragged it to the curb for over a month), so there was nowhere to put all the junk even if I did clean it up. Well yesterday I started putting things away and boy does it feel better in here! I hauled all the recycling away, except for the bottles and cans, and made a few bucks digging a stash of wine bottles out of the tin can recycling dumpster. Who does that? I do. Who dumps glass in the tin bin? I dunno. Someone who likes to throw money away and can’t read, I guess.

I did my workout yesterday evening, and again this morning. After six days, I cannot believe how much stronger I am feeling, and I have noticed a dramatic change in my posture already. I’ll keep pressing on.

My photo of the day is done already. What a relief it is to have that done early in the day, rather than scrambling at 10pm for something interesting to shoot!

And how bout this weather?! It’s like April in the middle of January. If I believed in the whole global warming thing I’d thank you all for your large carbon footprint right about now. Instead I praise God for his mercy to send us a little extra sunshine and warmth in the month that is one of the hardest for people (at least in this part of the world) to get through. It’s amazing how something as simple as being able to walk out the door with kids dressed in a hoodie and toque rather than full snowsuit gear can make the day so much easier. This may be the first year since childhood that I am really looking forward to summer. I’m not a big fan of the heat, so spring and fall have suited my taste much better in the past. But now I am so looking forward to summer, finishing our deck, sitting out there with a cold drink, BBQing, and having more opportunities to leisurely get to know our neighbours rather than running from our house to garage, and garage to house in the deep freeze of winter.

Happy Sunny Tuesday to all!

Today is my parents’ 40th wedding anniversary!

All I can do is marvel at God’s faithfulness when I consider the fact. 40 years. No marriage is perfect, and my mom and dad’s is no exception to that rule. There have been hard times. And there have been great joys. Five kids, four kids in-law (soon to be five!), twelve grandkids (and one on the way!), countless houses…one home - with Jesus at the center. It continues to be a humbling honour to watch my parents love each other as they love Christ, and to see the ways that he is making them more like himself. They made a covenant with each other to love and to cherish, for better for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, for the rest of their lives. They have come 40 years through joy and sorrow, and by God’s grace they will continue. As their love for their Savior deepens, so will their love for each other. Praise God!

I love you Mom and Dad!

No workout today. I had hoped to, but the day got away on us. We had an awesome morning celebrating our awesome Savior with the saints, then lunch with some of those folks - which took us up until about 4. After that we stopped by Safeway so I could buy a prop for today’s photo of the day (see above). The kids and I went for a visit with their cousins and my sister (technically in-law, but in my family we forget the in-law part). We got home at 9:30, and by the time I had the kids in bed I was too tired. Perhaps it would have been good to work out and get my mind off things, if only for 20 minutes. Alas, I didn’t. This evening Clay has been away, dealing with some family issues. I won’t say any more, but please be in prayer.

I did it.
And I feel less and less like I’m going to collapse in the shower afterward.
Yay!
Small victories, small victories.

Oi vey! I just finished day 3 of my workout. It’s funny how I am having a hard time catching my breath and talking normally, and as a result I can’t type without pausing to gasp for air as well. I still couldn’t do it without pausing for breaks, but I know I’m lasting longer each time. I’m hoping that after a week of this I can do it all without taking my five second breathers. I’m doing most of the modified versions of the exercises that have modifications. I’m not hard core.

And let me just say, I’ve always liked Bob better on the Biggest Loser because he seems nicer and rarely yells at people to get them moving. But I’m gaining a whole new appreciation for Jillian through this process. She doesn’t yell at you in this DVD, and at first I was a little disappointed (weird? probably), but in the times when I feel like I can’t go on and I stop for a second I can still hear her yelling at me, biggest loser style, and it gets me moving. Fast. Somehow I find her more motivating than Bob, at least their DVD personalities. (Tried the BL Cardio Max DVD with Bob for a while last year and didn’t stick with it. I guess he was too nice).

So in my last post I talked about doing things for God’s glory, not ours. I said that one of my goals for 2010 is to train for and run in a 5k race. Why? Because I haven’t been taking very good care of my body. While my BMI is within the “normal” range, I don’t consider myself a healthy normal weight.

I am weak! My hips are constantly clicking and cracking, my back is continuously sore and wound tighter than …well, I’m tired and not feeling particularly witty at the moment so insert whatever comes to mind when I say “wound tight”, my ribs are always popping out of place which leads to stupid amounts of pain and sometimes difficulty breathing, all the tension in my back and shoulders leads to neck pain and chronic headaches. Anytime I go to the chiropractor he is amazed at how stiff and knotted up my back is, and sometimes can’t even get things to move back into place. (For the record, he’s no weakling. My brother has described him as “rammy”, which I think suits him to a T). Massage therapy loosens me up for the day, and the next day I wake up tighter than I was before because my muscles are in such shock that tightening up is all they know how to do. And boy, do they do it well. Not only that, but the shock of temporary loosened muscles or joints back in alignment often sends me into days of migraine headaches. Lovely.

So, the easy fixes aren’t working. There is no magical chiropractic adjustment or massage technique to fix things. Weak muscles remain weak and there is no quick, pain free way to strengthen them. Surprise, surprise!! I have known all this time that it’s going to take work to get stronger and be healthier, but I’ve been taking the lazy, selfish way out.

Does anyone else watch The Biggest Loser? We love watching it. It is amazing to see what our bodies are capable of doing when put under stress. They change! The transformations these bodies go through in such a short amount of time are such a testimony of God’s incredible design in creation! God created us for more than being obese, lethargic, unhealthy, people who sit on our couches eating ice cream and Doritos. Now let me also say that if you want to understand how to get healthy to the glory of God and not self, don’t take any pointers from anyone on The Biggest Loser. The gospel being preached over and over again on this show is that YOU are worth it, you need to do something for YOU for a change (Um…thinking about themselves is what got these people to 400 pounds in the first place), you need to love YOURSELF and that’s when lasting change is going to happen. False, false, false!! Don’t think that if you just increase your self esteem that everything will get better. All that’s doing is transferring the idolatry from self pity to self esteem, both of which are pride. Okay, I’m done ranting. For now anyway.

The reason I mention The Biggest Loser is because it really makes me think. If these morbidly obese people can change their lives and their bodies out of selfishness and vain ambition, I should really get serious about taking care of my body to the glory of God! And by his grace, I will. I’m aiming to run a 5k race six months from now. I chose 5k because I’ve attempted training for 10k in the past and it has always just seemed to be too daunting of a task. I have given up every single time. 5k seems a little more attainable. And if Biggest Loser contestants can go from obese to running a marathon within 6 months, surely I can go from a healthy weight to running a 5k in that amount of time. Yeah I know, working out is their full time job, we have lives to live and can’t expect results like them, blah, blah, blah. Imagine if people like me just stopped making excuses and just worked hard at getting healthy like God intended us to be, for his glory. I’m not saying I’m immune to being lazy. Obviously I’m not, or I’d have trained for and run a 10k a few years ago when I first started trying to learn to run.

Since it’s winter and I’m really not keen on running in the cold and snow, I’m going to do what I can indoors until I can start running on dry roads. Yesterday I started doing Jillian Michaels’ 30 Day Shred DVD. All the reviews I’ve read on this workout say it’s brutally hard and delivers real results - not so much in weight loss, but muscle built and body shape changing as a result. I’ll second the fact that it’s brutally hard. At one point yesterday my legs were shaking uncontrollably as I tried to do one of the cardio exercises, the same way my legs shook when I was giving birth to Bailey. I’m not joking. Thankfully it didn’t hurt as bad as having a baby, and so I will press on! And after the workout yesterday I could barely walk down the stairs in our house - 2 hours after I finished the workout. While doing it again today, I already felt stronger! And I could support my weight when I walked down the stairs today. Small victory, but so cool to see tangible results that quickly. I wonder how I’ll feel 28 days from now!

I’m going to blog regular updates on how I’m doing with this DVD to keep me accountable, and perhaps add a little comic relief to your day when I tell you about how I collapsed halfway through. If I miss a day, feel free to tell me to get my butt in gear. And hey, anyone else want to join me? Jillian’s got plenty of torture to go around for you too!

I’ve been contemplating my goals for the new year since it began. I’m not one to make rash decisions in the heat of the midnight moment. I like to avoid making overambitious commitments, like, “This year: I’ll only cook local and organic food, and run in every marathon I can find.” Yeah…not gonna happen. It’s not that I don’t want to grow, I just want to be realistic in the goals that I set.

I regularly get a newsletter emailed to me from Shepherd Press, and the one they sent at the beginning of the year was (as usual) filled with sound, biblical insight. Check this out:

New Year’s Day–it is supposed to be a time of new beginnings. It is marked by celebrations, parties, football, and resolutions–and for some, hangovers. Culturally, compared to Christmas, New Year’s Day is also less stressful. One does not hear declarations of “Keep Christ in the New Year” bandied about on talk shows. No one speaks of New Year’s Day as a religious holiday. However, for most people New Year’s Day is a deeply religious holiday. It is the holiday of self-worship. It is a day when people believe that if they make specific resolutions and determine to turn over a new leaf, they can change the things about themselves that they don’t like. It is a day on which people believe (or perhaps just hope) that they can change by simply wanting to. But like all other false religions, the worship of self and self-will results in disappointment. In reality, New Year’s Day is a day like any other–it is a day to serve God or to serve self.

You can read the whole article here. I so appreciate that they didn’t try to sugar coat anything. When you boil it down, changing your life for your sake really comes down to self-worship, arguably the Great Religion of our day. When you worship yourself you seek your own glory, you don’t seek to glorify God. We hear it everywhere we turn,

“Because you’re worth it.”

“Just believe in yourself.”

“You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of everyone else.”

If you are your god then then your own glorification is your ultimate goal.
If you are in Christ, you know that you are worthless and Jesus is the only one who is worthy. You put your trust in Jesus because he is trustworthy and you are deceitful. You count others more important than yourself and serve them humbly as you follow the example of our Servant King Jesus.

Whether we are doing something that most would consider ministry, like serving at a soup kitchen, or we are scrubbing toilets at home wondering what in the world we are possibly going to get on the table for supper - again, any and every situation is one where we will give God our ourselves glory.

When we do things for God’s glory, we often won’t look any different than the next person. Like if you go to the gym and you’re about to fall off the stationary bike from exhaustion just like the girl next to you. Someone getting fit for God’s glory looks as dead tired as someone doing it for their own glory. God knows our hearts.

If your goal is to get out of debt, it should be the glory of God, not you.
If your goal is to cook healthy meals, it should be to the glory of God, not you.
If your goal is weight loss, it should be to the glory of God, not you. It’s important to take care of our bodies, not because we’re so great, but because the one who created us is. If you are in Christ your body is a temporary temple of the Holy Spirit. Cleaning up God’s residence sounds like a good idea.

I want any goals I have for the future to be ones that seek God’s glory, not mine.

My goals for 2010:
Train for and run in a 5K race
Stick to the budget Clay and I made
Find and cook more budget friendly meals
Continue and complete my 365 photo project

Everything we do is an opportunity to make much of our Savior, or much of ourselves. What will you do to bring Jesus glory this year?

Clay and I were given a gift certificate for The Keg Steakhouse & Bar, and had been saving it for a snowy day. Last night suited us just right, as the snowflakes danced their way merrily to our frozen world. Add to that a grandma and grandpa who were very willing to come spend some time with three very special grandkids before they leave for nearly 2 months. (As an aside, Mom - I hope this doesn’t become a yearly thing. Though this being the second year already, I’m not full of hope. Just wishful thinking.)

Off we went for an 8:30 reservation for 2, no kids, just me and my man. And my camera. It goes everywhere with me now that I’ve undertaken the 365 project (blame my other blog for the fact that I’ve been neglecting posting here). I keep hearing and reading that we’re supposed to make date night of the utmost priority now that we have kids, and every time we do actually get out for a date we realize we need to do it more often. But then life runs away at the same breakneck speed, and little boys make messes, and little girls nurse the day away, and the house is a disaster, and it’s all I can do to get my kitchen clean before we head to bed and start all over again the next day. (I rarely go to bed with the kitchen dirty. It’s a sanity saver to have one corner of the house clean when I wake…and it’s good to have a clear path to the coffee maker in the morning.) Add to all the hubbub the fact that a family of five on a single income doesn’t leave a lot of frivolous spending money lying around, so date night out of the house rarely happens.

Anyway, back to yesterday. It was wonderful. Delicious. We started with baked garlic shrimp, followed by house salad for me and Caesar for Clay. I think that’s when the bread basket arrived. Mmmm…… Drinks? Rickard’s Red for Clay and Newcastle for me. The main course meant a three mushroom sirloin for me and a New York striploin for Clay, along with amazing potatoes and veggies. Dessert? Of course. Three little shot glasses of delight - a carrot cake for each of us, and a brownie to share. Oh yum. We chatted, laughed, and thoroughly enjoyed each others company. I’m so glad I married that man!

We came home to a sad little girl, so once she was settled and put back to bed, we finished off the night watching 24. There’s really no better tv show in the history of the world. If you like action, you’ll love Jack Bauer. We finished season 7 so we are all caught up and ready for season 8 next month! It’s going to be so hard to watch only one episode each week rather than 2/night like we have been!

It was so wonderful to take some time out of the crazy busy Christmas season and just relax with my wonderful husband, enjoy some great food and marvel and how great our God is. We definitely want to make this a Christmas tradition from now on.

I was at the mall today to get a Christmas gift for my niece, and saw this message clinging to a store window:

Buy one, get one 1/2 off.
One For You, One For Me!

I could go off on a rant about this picture, but I won’t.
I’ll just let the picture speak for itself to the fact that there is a deep sin problem in the life of every human being. I pray that we can remember what this season is really about, and worship the God who entered human history as a baby, Jesus, to seek and to save what was lost. Our God is a giver, not a taker. We continue to try to take all that we can get out of him, yet he gives us grace upon grace.

Lord, humble us and cause us to see what it really means to be generous, as you have been generous with us.

Too cute!! I love this stage of foot grabbing, endless smiles, and happy babbling.

My Project 365 blog is up and running! I have begun the daunting task of taking (and posting!) a picture every day for an entire year. Check it out!

About a month ago I was feeling hopeful - my post-baby jeans were getting pretty loose and I thought perhaps I could get into the pre-baby ones again. It was not to be. So, trying to not feel too discouraged, I folded them back up and placed them back on the shelf. Some day.

Yesterday I was telling Clay I thought I needed to go buy some smaller jeans - I figured I needed a size between the two that I have, and said I was scared to try the pre-baby’s on again because I didn’t want to be discouraged again. He encouraged me to just try, and not beat myself up if they didn’t fit. And….they fit! I know, they’re just jeans. It shouldn’t affect the way I look at my body that much. It sure helps though :P

The bug in our house appears to have taken a hike earlier than I expected it to! The boys are slowly regaining their appetites, and are gaining enough energy to pick fights and whine again. Strange blessing indeed :) They have been napping like pros the last few days, trying to regain some strength. It’s been so nice to have willingness on their part when it’s time to get into bed. I hope it continues… :) This morning we got out of the house to do shop for a few things as we anticipate the arrival of some snow!

Given the fact that I am 25 and have 3 kids 3 and under, I’ve come to expect weird looks and stupid comments thrown my way far more often than they actually are. I guess since society generally dislikes children I just expect people to look down on me for contributing to the overpopulation of the earth (come on, give me a break). Most of the time I get quite the opposite: people smile, comment on how busy a mom I must be, or how cute and well behaved they are. (Cute? Always. Well behaved? Well, they consistently do well when others are watching.)

Alas, today was another story. One older lady made some comment about how I surely must have enough children now: her daughter has two and has her hands way too full - three for me must be plenty, “especially in this day and age.” Whatever that means. Are we dubbing 30 years ago as the good old days, when the world was perfect and family friendly? I’m pretty sure the world hasn’t been a perfectly family friendly place since our dear first parents ate the forbidden fruit. Another comment came from a guy, wanting to claim our table at Tim Horton’s as we were leaving, “You guys got enough kids here?” I know, this could be taken as an off the cuff conversation starter. With the right tone of voice, it could have been. But in the condescending tone with which it was directed at us? No. Not really nice, especially with my kids in earshot, as well as his probably 8 year old son. “Got enough kids here?” What, do you see 40 of them? Because I only count 3.

And in answer to the question? “Yes, for now.” Bracing myself for what will come should we ever have 4 kids.
Letting it go….
Letting it go.

My big boy spent the night camped out on his old toddler bed mattress on our bedroom floor, with an empty ice cream pail between us. Poor boy is fighting some kind of bug off and it was not kind to him last night. Thankfully today has brought far less puke than yesterday, even though little boy is sick now too. Two sick boys, two exhausted parents, and a little girl completely oblivious and jumping like mad in the bumper jumper next to me. What a ray of sunshine! Not to say that the boys aren’t, they are being unbelievably great during all this. Right now they’re playing Super Mario Bros. 3 on the Wii. As an aside, I would just like to say how amused I am that despite all the fancy new games they come out with, my boys constantly just want to play Mario 3. I’m no expert, but this was made for N64 or something archaic like that.

Wyatt, who fights sleep like there is no tomorrow, actually put himself down for a nap today. A definite sign that all is not well in his adorable little body. And when Markus learned of his brother sleeping, requested a nap as well. They slept for close to 3 hours! I hope bedtime will not be thrown off by that, but I’m not going to dwell on it since I know it helps nothing to worry. And during their nap, Bailey graciously slept too, which allowed me to nap. All four of us napping? I’m not sure if that has ever happened before today.

Even when days are hard and I’m operating on very little sleep, boys are sick, laundry piles are a mile high thanks to the sickness, there are many things to be thankful for. To top off the day, my lovely sister Sher called and offered to bring us supper! Thank you Lord for taking care of all our needs and so much more. Today I’ve had peace that surpasses understanding.

I don’t know what tonight will bring - sleep or not, both boys in our room or in their own beds, more throwing up or stomachs that have settled - but I do know that God cares for us. That’s pretty much all I need to know.

I mentioned a while back that I was going to paint a wall in my dining room. Behold! Davenport Tan in all its glory, complete with the Guinness posters I couldn’t wait to put up. I love the colours. Green curtains complete the window.

Now to make the living room look more finished. We’ve got a window the same size as this one in the dining room, and I want a big grommet curtain in there as well, but I’m having a hard time figuring out what colour they should be. With the dining room’s being green, I don’t want to do anything too drastic in the living room since everything on the main floor is in such close proximity. But we’ve been here for eight and a half months, it’s really not an urgent matter. I’d rather wait and get just the right thing than go spend money on something I’m not sure about just to get something hung up. Sometimes I am painfully indecisive. At least there’s a bit of colour in the living room now as I painted the same colour on the main wall in there. Looks good.

I still want to go to HomeSense. Surely all my decorating woes could be solved in short order with a little time and money in that store. Alas, I wait.

Just getting a little practice for what’s to come :)
The kids were all sleeping so I took some time for some tea and picture taking. Now they’re all awake, my little beauty needs to be fed, and the big bros are inquiring about snacks. The quiet is over, and that’s okay.

Julie has got me inspired to be taking more pictures, and improving my ability as a photographer by having a Project 365 blog. The goal is to post a photo every day for an entire year, documenting what life looks like for you, and in the process, becoming a better photographer. I need a swift kick in the butt to be taking more pictures and learning how to better use the great camera I have.

I’m not starting yet. I need some time to get my head in the game and pump myself up to actually upload photos from my camera to the computer every day. Currently I do it once a month, if I’m lucky. Oh boy. I think I’ll start January 1. I know that’s a ways off yet, but I needed something to post about :)

Hubby is going to design something for me: can’t wait! Stay tuned.