part of the bigger picture

I sort of got roped into going to ‘church’ today. My buddy Col needed another girl to sing for worship at Dalmeny Bible Church this morning and I happened to be around when his peer pressure skills kicked in (“Come on Kim, do it”) Well, that and I actually wanted to because it’s been a long time since I’ve been able to just hang out with someone and jam with a guitar and sing sing sing until I can scarecly sing anymore. So yes, “worship practice” was a really great time (ok, I won’t even get started on the whole concept of worship practice right now…) Anyway, I was at church this morning and as usual, it was an altogether mixed experience. Singing was awesome: I haven’t felt that close to God in a church worship music set in a really really long time. The sermon was….a sermon. I couldn’t pay attention. All I remember is the speaker talking about his flights from Texas to Saskatoon way back in the day when he was somewhat stranded switching flights in Chicago. Cool story…but I can’t remember how it was supposed to relate to something in the book of John at all. And there was a missionary couple going overseas to do door-to-door evangelism. This is through the same organization that I was with in Uganda….and had an altogether dreadful experience with, so I wasn’t to pumped to hear about someone else doing it. But hey, God can use anything right? He even used an institutional church to get to me today.

It’s so crazy to me how I always keep losing focus on God. I stray, I get conviction, I vow I’ll change and seek Him wholeheartedly, and I do for a while….and then i drift. It’s crazy to me how I keep putting myself first before God: how I was putting my relationship with my boyfriend before my relationship with God. It’s crazy how I wasn’t seeking God’s will for what we were doing: wasn’t seeking His will for what direction we were going. It’s crazy to me how the prescription of my soul’s eyes changes so quickly.

This whole trip to Sweden thing has been one crazy rollercoaster ride already. First they took forever to get back to me so I had lost hope in hearing from them. Then they wrote back and said yeah, we’d love to have you come. So I was flying for a few days on my giddiness. Then they dropped a bomb on me, telling me that my room and board wouldn’t be covered, which would incur a thousand dollar increase in the amount of money that I’d need to go. So I basically said sucks to that, see ya later, I do not and will not have that kind of money by the time I would be leaving. And they just wrote back and said I get to stay for free! For FREE! YAAAAY! So now, for the moment, unless something changes, I am still going to Sweden.

This and more ways to get under your conservative evangelical christian church’s skin.

For as long as I can remember, the radio in my house has been tuned to The Country Gospel Show on CJWW 600 every Sunday evening. (Ok, laugh it up…)I know almost every one of those songs like the back of my hand. (Ok, feel free to laugh harder now…) Last night, for the first time, one song’s lyrics really made me stop and think.

“Gimme that old time religion
It’s good enough for me.
It was good for the Hebrew children…
It was good for dad and mother…
It will do when I am dyin’…
Gimme that old time religion,
It’s good enough for me.”

Correct me if I’m wrong, the Hebrew children’s old time religion wasn’t good enough for God; therefore, it surely wan’t good enough for them:
“I hate all your show and pretense–the hypocrisy of your religious festivals and solemn assemblies. I will not accept your burnt offerings and grain offerings. I won’t even notice all your choice peace offerings. Away with your hymns of praise! They are only noise to my ears. I will not listen to your music, no matter how lovely it is. (Amos 5:21-23, emphasis mine)

Religion will never save anyone. It wasn’t enough to save the Israelites, it is not enough to save my parents, and when I’m dying, it will not have been enough to save me either. Religion will not save the Church.

“What can we bring to the LORD to make up for what we’ve done? Should we bow before God with offerings of yearling calves? Should we offer him thousands of rams and tens of thousands of rivers of olive oil? Would that please the Lord? Should we sacrifice our firstborn children to pay for the sins of our souls? Would that make him glad?
No, O people, the Lord has already told you what is good, and this is what he requires: to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.” (Micah 6:6-8, emphasis mine)

Christ has opened the door for us to have a relationship with God. Our religious motions mean nothing. We can never appease God by doing ‘stuff’. Let’s say you deeply hurt one of your friends. You want to make things right with them so you say, “Hey, because I did that, I’ll deprive myself of eating cheeseburgers for a week. That should show you how sorry I am.” That is how rediculous it sounds when we tell God we’ll make up for our sins by being religious. “I sinned, so to make up for it I won’t watch TV for a week”, or “I’ll be sure to go to church every Sunday.” And God looks at us, shakes his head and say, “Sucks to your spirit of religion. Come back when you realize that you will never be able to do anything to atone for what you’ve done to hurt me. You have to just accept forgiveness through Christ, do justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with me.” (Thanks for the analogy Cory :)

Old time religion ain’t good enough for me.

I got an email from the ywam base in Sweden! Aghh!!!!! I am so incredibly pumped right now! They sound really pumped that I’m coming and it sounds as though it’s pretty much a definite thing. I’ll let you know when I have more details, but man oh man did this ever make my day! Thank you God!

“Rich man cryin’ cause his money’s time
and poor man’s smilin’ cause he knows he ain’t blind…
one life to live but we’re doing it wrong
you see, got my brother down cause it’s nothing to me”
(Sam Roberts, Brother Down)

I’m still unsure if I’ll be travelling to Sweden with MBI in January, and I’m getting rather frustrated already. I’ve been in contact with MBI for the past month, and things sounded promising. But the YWAM base that I would be connected to is not getting back to MBI regarding my request to go. It’s been two weeks since MBI contacted the base and I still haven’t heard anything from them. I don’t know what to do! Waiting sucks! I still have this “I felt God calling me to go to Sweden so it’ll all work itself out” mentality…but in the meantime, it would be really nice to know what is going on. It would be really nice to be able to hash out details. It would be really nice to be……..comfortable with this. Aye, there’s the rub: comfort. God never promised this road would be easy did He? Trust. Faith. These are required of me. Can you please pray that everything will work out eventually with this? Thanks

My friend Jeremy has some great thoughts about prayer here.

You know what sucks? Driving in thirty degree weather with a fever and no air-con.

As I was driving into Saskatoon for work this morning, I was absolutely floored by God. I’ve been listening to Starfield for the past week (thanks to my bro-in-law Wes) and the song Can I stay here forever blew me away today. God spoke so loudly to me through it. There I was driving down Idylwyld with tears streaming down my face…and it was one of the most beautiful feelings in the world. Check out these lyrics: they pretty much describe exactly where I’ve been lately and where I am today.

through forgotten convictions,
misplaced affections
i’m losing the sound of Your voice.
i’ve been chasing after emptiness,
trying to tidy up this mess
and i swear that i’ve been down this road before.
i wanna get back to where it all began
when i would long for only you.

like a child i’ll take You at Your word
as these mountains of doubt, they fade away
i’m longing to trust and love you more

so for me this is beautiful
a brand new thought and a brand new world
can i stay here forever, here with you?

i’ve lost sight of what first drew me
to the love that persued me,
the joy that inspired my song.
the friendship that was all i knew,
the arms that i would fall into
seem miles and years from where i am today.
i gotta get back to where it all began
when i would wait for only you

like a child i’ll take you at your word
as these mountains of doubt they fade away
i’m longing to trust and love you more

so for me this is beautiful
a brand new thsought and a brand new world
can i stay here forever here with you?

Thanks to my boy Clay and my brother-in-law Wes, I’ve discovered a sweeeeeet band. I heard about them probably four years ago, but never gave them much thought. They deserve much thought. The Juliana Theory: they’re sort of emo/punk/hard…. so hard to explain. They’re amazing. Some sweet songs to check out: To the tune of 5000 screaming children, into the dark, and, you always say goodnight, goodnight. Bon appetite!

I ended up not quitting my job at Superstore yesterday. As in most cases, I’m pretty sure I over-reacted to the situation. I tend to do that a lot. Two days ago I was so irate that they had made another bad schedule that I became totally irrational. I decided my only option was to quit.

After I had cooled down and I was at work last night, I argued with myself for about two hours. “Should I quit? Should I not? Talk to your supervisor. Don’t talk to her.” On and on it went. Finally I broke down and talked to my supervisor about the bad shifts I had been given. Honestly, it wasn’t her fault: someone else had messed around with the schedule. Whew. Plus, I really didn’t like the idea of leaving on a bad note. I didn’t want to ruin a really great reference that I could have from them if I were to ever work photo somewhere else. Thank you God for speaking to me in my hard-headedness.

I’m still going to need another job in the fall though, because my hours at both jobs that I have are going to take a major dive when September comes. So still, if anyone has any ideas, they’re very welcome.