So um…I guess I haven’t blogged in a while. Oh well. I’m not too worried.
I’ll elaborate a bit on why I liked church a week and a half ago.
I showed up about 20 minutes late (as I usually do when I go to church on Sunday), and made my way up to my perch in the balcony…but decided to sit in the front row instead of the back. You know, be a little more social…haha. So I sat down just as the “sharing time” was starting, and I was very very encouraged by a couple of people and their comments. One guy said something like, “It seems that things in the church stay in the church too much. We live with such a hope and in the Lord, can posess so much joy. What can we do to bring the hope and joy that we have to people outside the church?” I was like, “Uh, whoa, this isn’t quite your average thought process in a church….” and then a woman stood up and talked about how, living in a small town, we get to know peoples’ reputations pretty quickly and sometimes (often) label them and write them off. “Alcoholic….does drugs…” and place them in some kind of “hopeless” folder. Then she said, “How DARE I, who have known of God’s grace since I was a child, judge and write these people off and refuse to let others experience that grace?!” She was full on passionate about it and I was super pumped. Fully. And then the sermon actually clicked with me…actually made me think. Talked about the sin of anger. Man, I’ve never even really thought about anger as being a sin. But truly, it is one that I struggle with. One point the pastor made was that anger is sometimes motivated by self-pity. Hell-o, that would be me. So yeah, that was my experience with church. Pretty impressed. We’ll see how things go this Sunday.
Been struggling huge with self-pity and self worth again lately. Thinking I’m not worth peoples’ efforts and love. Maybe it’s because I’m afraid of commitment and so I come up with whatever excuse I can to avoid it. I can’t yet handle the idea of settling down for the rest of my life yet. I have too much travelling and exploring to do before I “settle down”. Too many things to experience as a person who isn’t tied down by a billion things. I can’t think about going to post-secondary school because that requires commitment…what if something better comes along? Then I would have wasted a bunch of money on an education I won’t use. I can’t think about getting married, because dude, that is just too far away. Let’s not even go there. I need more time to spread my wings and fly, and do whatever the heck I want.
Work has been keeping me supremely busy lately. Today’s my only day off this week. My jobs give me a good mix though. I’ll work at Central Haven (the nursing home) for a few days and it’s awesome because the residents there are so great. Then after a few days I’m like, “ok, I need to do something mindless because this requires a lot of emotional investment”, so I go work at Starbucks for a few days and have a great time. Then I think, “Ok, I need to do something that matters!” So I go back to Central Haven for a few days. Keeps me busy, keeps things interesting. Not just the same thing over and over and over again, day in and day out.
Sweden….starting to get things put into place. Requested my leave of absense at one job already. I’ve definitely got enough money for a ticket, now I just need to book it……yeah, I don’t know. Still doesn’t quite seem real that I’m going.
Ran into Rachelle, a girl from high school today. Had an awesome chat with her. It’s really cool. I mean, we never really talked much in school, but it’s great to be able to catch up. She’s a sweet girl. And frick, she’s lived in Taiwan for 7 and a half months. If that’s not cool, what is??
Shalom y’all. I’m off to….read?