I had a bit of a breakdown today…a little bit of a rant at God. I was angry about the fact that I am so far away from Clay. In June, the Lord asked me to go to Sweden, so I said yes. Then soon after, I started dating Clay. So I questioned whether I should go to Sweden, but concluded that I should still go. THEN, I got engaged, and I still came here. WHY?? Why Lord, have you brought me to the other side of the world and asked me to leave the person I love the most? Then I said something like, “And now I’m just supposed to wait patiently for the Lord to reveal my purpose here???” That’s when it hit me. Patience. Just yesterday I was talking to Clay on MSN. We were talking about how this distance and time apart, though difficult, will be good for our relationship. He already sees it making his ability to communicate grow, and I asked him what he thought I should be working on. You know what he said?
I suck at being patient. Fully, I suck. But I want to be better at it. I want to have patience…..but acquiring this fruit is going to be painful. Argh. But I want it, and I will go through whatever refining fires the Lord places in my path in order to bring me to the place he wants me to be at. I want my character to grow into that of a true woman of God.
I still question why the Lord asked me to come to Sweden…I mean, couldn’t this work on me be done somewhere else? But apparently not…..maybe I’ll never know why I’m here of all places. Please keep me in your prayers. That I would continue to seek the face of God in this land of newness and infamiliar faces.